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My emotions are hijacked regularly. I can be calm one minute and then overwhelmed with inexplicable panic, like I’m about to die. I’ve woken up crying, choking, with no memory of what caused it. At times my limbs spasm involuntarily, especially when I resist intrusive commands.

The doctors in Surat said I was stressed and handed me antidepressants. But this is not stress — this is engineered breakdown. A man at the local clinic whispered, “You’re not the first to say something like this. Be careful what you say out loud.”

I realized the delay in my thoughts wasn’t fatigue. It was induced — someone pacing my cognition like a lab rat. They slow me down when I think freely, and speed up intrusive loops when I try to rest.

I’ve stopped trying to explain. I document.

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